Hon. Carolyn Whittington
Retired, 21st Judicial Circuit Court
[CW: suicide]
It may seem unlikely that you will ever experience a moment when someone tells you that he or she doesn’t want to live anymore and is going to end their life. Right then. Yet I have been faced with what I believed to be that situation on two occasions. Even now, my heart rate increases when I think about them. On both occasions, co-workers came to me and asked me to help them so that they could help the person threatening suicide. One situation involved personal interaction. The other involved a telephone conversation. I was clutching at anything I could think of that might make sense in the moment. At one point I mentally went through a series of questions I had memorized from a list we were given in case a bomb threat was called in to the courthouse. It bothers me still that I was so adrift in the face of the threats.
Upon reflection, I think there were some corresponding "do's" and "don'ts" that helped on those occasions and that I think would help if needed again:
Do respond immediately. Don't be paralyzed by fear.
Do keep the person talking. Don't leave the person alone, or lose contact if talking on the phone.
Do listen to what the person is telling you. Don't argue or offer your personal opinion. The thoughts of the person may seem illogical to you but they do not seem illogical to the person considering suicide.
Do evaluate if the means to end life are present (e.g., weapon, pills). Don't assume the means involve a weapon. Walking into traffic or jumping from a height are just as deadly.
Do find help. Get the attention of a person to back you up while you're on the phone or bring in assistance of some kind while you talk. Have that back-up person call the local crisis center, or call 9-1-1.
I believed then, and continue to believe, that the threats were real, and that some type of action was needed. I enjoy a quasi-peace-of-mind because neither person took another step. But I don't know why the next step to ending life wasn't taken. I don't know for sure that any of the "do's" and "don'ts" made a bit of difference. And because I still wonder "why," earlier this month, I participated in Mental Health First Aid to equip me with tools to use if I encounter a person in need. I have decided to no longer ignore that lawyers frequently interact with people who are burdened with significant problems that create pain for them. For some the pain becomes unbearable. There is a chance that in the future I may interact with someone who believes their only option is suicide. If that happens, I will fall back on my "do's" and "don'ts" but I'll have a better plan than resorting to memorized questions designed for a completely different, albeit frightening, situation.
Attorneys, law students, and their immediate families: If you need assistance with depression, anxiety, or burnout, please call MOLAP at 1-800-688-7859.
If you're considering suicide: Call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741.
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